PREVIOUSLY ON…

10/03/2016 12:10:00 PM Lexie Dunne 1 Comments

We join Gail Godwin in her quest to make it through one day without utter catastrophe striking! Warning: THIS POST IS FULL OF SPOILERS FOR SUPERHEROES/SUPERVILLAINS ANONYMOUS. You have been warned. In capital letters, even!

Dramatis Personae

Gail Godwin (Hostage Girl) – a woman who would just like to have a normal day, thank you very much.
Guy Bookman (Blaze) – the rich heir to a business empire who would also like Gail Godwin to have a normal day.
Angélica Rocha (Vertigem) – gym owner, superhero trainer, unfazed even though her main power is phasing.
Brooklyn Gianelli (Chelsea) – Supervillain. High school girlfriend of Sam Bookman, captured and experimented on by Lodi Corp and Dr. Mobius.
Raze (Razor X) – Supervillain. Does not understand basic things like friendship.
Kiki Davenport (No Hero Affiliation) – granddaughter of a superhero, a supervillain, and a mad scientist, an intensely smart doctor whose psychic abilities endanger her to Villain Syndrome.
Victoria "Vicki" Dawn Burroughs (Plain Jane) – Supermodel. Expert in structural integrity.
Jeremy Collins (No Hero Affiliation) – Gamer. Probably some other things by this point.
Naomi Gunn (No Hero Affiliation) – Journalist. Pain in Gail Godwin's butt. Nose for trouble. Actually, pretty much everything else for trouble.
Eddie Davenport (No Hero Affiliation) – CEO of Davenport Industries. Gail's note: major asshole, avoid at all costs.
Jessie Davenport (Raptor) – Somewhat reclusive heiress to Davenport fortune.
Christoph Mobius (Dr. Mobius) – Mad scientist. Killed in explosion at Lodi Corp.
Rita Detmer (Fearless) – Supervillain. First recorded case of Villain Syndrome.
Kurt Davenport (Raptor) – Deceased. Founder of Davenport Industries.
Audra Yi (No Hero Affiliation) – Terrifyingly efficient assistant to Jessie Davenport.
Sam Bookman (War Hammer) – Guy's older brother. Good at superheroing and not much else. Got a little obsessed with finding out why his twin went missing.
Sal (No Hero Affiliation) – Bartender at Mind the Boom.
Portia Oleander McPeak (No Hero Affiliation) – Coworker of Gail's. Able to become invisible, much to her dismay.
Venus von Trapp (Same) – Plant-based supervillain. Once turned Gail green.
Lady Danger (Same) – Victorian supervillain. Breeds dogs.
Shark-man (Same) – Asshole protector of San Francisco. Regularly called Sharkbait. Wears gray.

A Primer for Everything You Need to Know Before Reading How to Save the World

In SUPERHEROES ANONYMOUS we're introduced to Gail Godwin, the once and future Hostage Girl. So famous for being kidnapped by every supervillain to come through Chicago, she lives with the reality that even the media has forgotten her name. Everybody insists that the incredibly tall, green-eyed hero that saves her regularly must be her incredibly tall, green-eyed boyfriend Jeremy Collins (a gamer who works in sales), but Gail's not so sure. When Jeremy dumps her (while she's in the hospital) to move to Miami, and Blaze leaves at the same time, the evidence seems damning. Gail's a little more concerned about who's going to save her now. But miracle of miracles: the kidnappings stop!

Skip forward to 10 months later. Gail's approached by Naomi Gunn, a reporter doing a piece on her year anniversary of cease-kidnappings…who of course jinxes things for Gail, who's kidnapped not five minutes later by Dr. Mobius. He infects her with Mobium, a radioactive isotope that replaces all of the carbon in her body. It's supposed to turn her into an addict so that he can control Blaze into doing his bidding. After Gail is freed during a confusing encounter with men in black, she desperately seeks to get in touch with Blaze, going so far as to reach out to Naomi. Unfortunately, Naomi's a little busy being targeted by Chelsea, a supervillain out for information. Gail, with her newfound abilities, saves the day and wakes up to find that Davenport Industries, the biggest company in the world, is also the shadow organization that fosters and protects superheroes.

And this is taking a long time. Okay. Let's see if I can cut some of this down. Davenport Industries helps out superheroes and they give Gail a place to live, where she discovers several things.

1. Her trainer, Angélica Rocha, is a sadist who can redirect her momentum and phase distances in the blink of an eye. She's there to keep Gail healthy.

2. Blaze isn't Gail's ex-boyfriend Jeremy, but her ex-coworker Guy Bookman. He and his brother Sam have the same abilities; their sister Petra disappeared, though she too shared the family power.

3. Dr. Lemuel Cooper and Dr. Kiki Davenport are keeping an eye on Gail's abilities, which aren't anything like Dr. Mobius said.

4. Chelsea's on the loose and after Naomi, who has information that she wants.

Naomi reaches out to Gail for help, asking to meet at a mall. When Gail and the others arrive, though, Chelsea shows up with some goons and a full-out battle begins. They manage to get away, but Chelsea hits Angélica with a blast of her venomous ray, injuring her fatally. At the hospital, Gail (gravely injured herself) is arrested by Eddie Davenport because she's believed to be secretly in cahoots with Chelsea in an ending that is still ranted about on Amazon to this day.

Okay, on to SUPERVILLAINS ANONYMOUS!

Gail is thrown into Detmer Prison where the worst supervillains are sent, and she discovers that it's closer to a day spa where supervillains are kept happy and fed five-star meals. Unfortunately, it's not all fun and games for Gail, who draws notice of Rita Detmer, world's first supervillain and a woman intent on beating the crap out of Gail. Gail has no idea why until she wakes up to find Rita standing over her bed, and she's literally thrown out of prison by the supervillain.

Gail goes on the run, fighting off Raptor and hiding with Guy. The only one who can clear Gail's name is Naomi Gunn, being held at a Davenport facility. With the surprising help of an old coworker, Gail breaks in and retrieves Naomi, but all hell breaks loose when Chelsea shows up. Plain Jane and Guy (disguised as War Hammer to hide the fact that he's in Chicago) intervene. Guy visibly falters upon seeing Chelsea, calling her Brook…and then almost getting killed when Brook uses a device on him that neutralizes his powers.

When Gail reaches out to Kiki for medical help, she discovers some truths:

1. Dr. Mobius is Kiki's grandfather

2. Chelsea is actually Brooklyn Gianelli, a woman Guy thought died years before, and Sam's ex-girlfriend.

3. Rita and Mobius planned for Gail to get powers to protect Kiki from an all-powerful spy in Davenport's midst.

4. Angélica's not as dead as once thought. In fact, she now has the same powers as Gail.

Raptor eventually tracks down Gail and hands her over to Cooper (the spy) in order to see what he'll do, leading to Gail getting tortured. She's rescued, but it leaves a mark or two. Together, they blow up the Lodi facility where Gail was held. Gail and her friends then lure Cooper into a trap in the same place where Guy got his powers, and work together to kill him since he heals too fast to reasonably be held anywhere and will kill countless others. Jeremy willingly electrocutes himself to make it happen and ends the book in a coma. Gail returns to prison to serve out a small sentence for having escaped prison in the first place.