Off the Leash

1/19/2015 01:00:00 PM Lexie Dunne 2 Comments

One of the benefits of having Nikki is I can’t sleep all day anymore (I call it a benefit, but honestly, the word for it changes on the days when she sits by my head and makes “ernt” noises at me until I get up). I live in an apartment complex with no dog park nearby, so if Nikki needs to go outside, one of the humans goes with her. It means I get more outdoors time than I usually do, and the view’s not bad because we’re on a lake. Currently, as I type this, there are about fifty ducks just waddling about and quacking at each other on the shore over there. The Canada geese have taken over the island. I imagine it’ll become a Sharks and Jets situation very soon.

(I’m Team Duck. I’m not saying Canada geese are thirteen pounds of pure evil, the devil incarnate in feathers, teeth, and talon-like flippers. But if, say, the apocalypse occurred and one just so happened to show up with the mark of the beast on his little malevolent forehead? I wouldn’t be surprised.)

So if you’ve ever wondered exactly what goes on in that brain of mine when I have nothing to do but follow Nikki around so she can sniff this exciting smell! and that awesome tree!, now you no longer have to wonder. I bet you think now you were better off not knowing.

Things I have discovered on my walks with Nikki:

Skipping a rock across ice really does make that freaky sound, and it’s great.
Less great is throwing rocks and having your dog flinch and cower because your sudden arm movement scared her (she was behind me. I was NOT throwing rocks at my dog or even in her direction).
Ducks and geese are really dumb. They outnumber Nikki about two hundred to one, but the minute they see my little terrier dog, they flee en masse.
You know what? I think I’m actually okay with them not figuring out that their mob would destroy Nikki. Maybe incurring the Duck/Geese Rising of 2015 brings about that apocalypse I mentioned earlier.
Plus I just really like my dog in one piece.
This time of year, squirrels get really fat. There was one absolutely chunky squirrel we saw on our ramble yesterday that looked like one of Andre the Giant’s fists—with a tail.
That squirrel was still faster than my slightly overweight Boston Terrier.
This is, of course, much to Nikki’s dismay.
Thanks to an education in Honey I Shrunk the Kids, The Borrowers, and this video about cats fighting off tiny tiny sock thieves, I spent a disproportionately large amount of time wondering if there are tiny people having a giant adventure and now they’re hiding because one! of! the! humans! and! her! scary! dog! is walking on the sidewalk just overhead.
Sure, it’s a weird time for these minuscule adventurers to be facing danger still, since I typically take the morning walks, but maybe they’ve been up all night, okay? It was a night fraught with terror. One of them almost got squished by a sock, Indiana Jones boulder style!
(See? Told you! A disproportionately large amount of time thinking thoughts like these)
Winter is a terrible thing to inflict upon society and I think they should stop. To be fair, I also feel this way about July and August.